As a survivor of multiple forms of grief I am here to say the pain will and will not go away.
The intensity can definitely lessen but there are choices to make and not everyone wants to travel down those roads.
In my own journey of grief I have made choices that have led me into quicker times of healing and other moments well. . . . I have made choices that have caused my grief to linger longer then it needed to. Below are three basic life tips that the Lord showed me that were helpful in my times of healing from grief (there are more that I will write about at a later time).
Before diving into these basic tips I want to say that I do not fully understand your specific form of grief. Every person has a different platform of life that they come from and I am not an expert in Psychology. However, these three specific tips have challenged and helped me in my own journey through grief.
The first basic step I found helpful in grieving is knowing it’s OK to grieve and it’s OK to be angry about the situation. The Lord even tells us it’s OK to be angry, he just says not to sin in that (Ephesians 4:26). Well, I can’t say that I never sinned when my ex-husband walked out on our marriage for another woman but I did find letting out my anger with the Lord helped.
Rather then going to the Lord and just pretending everything was alright and trying to be a good little Christian I was struck by the fact that He already knew I was angry. Why was I hiding it? Therefore, I cried, I yelled, and yes I even cussed at the Lord (not recommended, but I am just being honest). I got all my emotions out to the Lord because I knew He was a safe place!
So often many of us miss this step because we are trying to be the “good” Christian yet instead we find ourselves running from the Living God instead of to the Living God.
He knows our pain, He did not cause our pain but He understands how to use and comfort us through the pain.
Another basic step is to go to the Lord with your blame. Don’t blame the Lord but take that blame to Him and ask Him what to do with it. So often when things don’t turn out how we expected we want to blame someone. Many specifically want to blame God.
God could of healed my 32 week old unborn son but He didn’t. Do I understand why I had to deliver a dead child for the second time (click here for details)? No I don’t. Did it hurt so deeply that my heart felt like it had been shattered into a million pieces? Yes! Yet I still had to choose to not blame our sweet Savior.
You also have to choose to not to blame the Lord for whatever it is you are grieving. Yes He is Omnipresent, the First and the Last, the Alpha and the Omega and He can step in at any moment and bring healing or provision. Yet we don’t know the bigger plan. We can’t see the future. Our little finite brain wants Him to do something to change our situation so the grieving will stop. Yet He asks us to trust Him and to just lean into Him with all that is within us.
As we lean in we will find comfort, will the grieving completely stop? No, but we will have comfort and strength to walk through the grieving.
The last point I will cover today is give yourself time. We live in a fast paced society where we want it now! We don’t want to wait. Yet grieving takes time. Time to press into the Lord. Time to overcome your fears (click here on my blog about overcoming fear). Time to forgive yourself, others and the Lord. Time to feel the pain and time to seriously walk through the pain.
You are worth the process. God has so much in store for you! As you press into Him and find His comfort you will slowly find healing. Will the grieving ever stop? In some situations I don’t believe it ever fully does and that is OK. You will however know WHO can bring you comfort when you have your moments of grief. You will also have incredible compassion for those that are walking through their own set of grief.
As I close, my heart aches for many of you as you go through your own grieving process. There are many resources out there but I want to encourage you to really find the Lord in the midst of your grief.
He truly is the one that brings comfort!
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